Today, i told a guy ... that i hated him. it wasn't even in joking tone. it was serious, truthfully i don't but... i like him. i talk to him a lot but i just ... 'loathe' his ignorance. I cursed at him an everything. he still stayed around... i mean i don't like the things he does, like he's so young an he's seting himself up for failure and i try to talk to him and tell him what i think & he just looks at me like.... you're a girl, you don't know ish.
I have a problem.
I was watching this deep behind movie on FX ... american history x... deep.... deep....DEEP. I was like wow, its like idk. I can't explain its like i knew that what happened at the end was gonna happen at some point but i didn't know when.
I've been all kinds of wacked out, and i guess this was something i needed to see. you know everything we say...we might say in the end that we didn't mean it but there's a small percentage of it thats true. so just how i told that guy i hated him....i didn't mean it but i know that i don't like him. Its a lot of things that i see that just makes me angry but i don't say anything. i state my opinion sometimes but not all the time.... because sometimes i come off as an asshole. like this guy Miles that i know. to me... he's an asshole. he states his opinion sarcastically .... more sarcastic than me & it pisses me off. He was wants to be a smart ass and show off his "self-taught education" and he's wrong. UGH, then he had the nerve to call some other people pedantic ! ii couldn't do anything but frown up my face...
[i'm really going off on a super tangent & being random at the same time, please forgive me]
then my sis aka awesome, pointed out to me that it seems like i'm becoming distant from my friends.... the people i called friends for so long. i see it. i don't know why. maybe its my boyfriend. maybe its because i'm really trying to figure and sort some things.... idk.
*my desk is super dirty and cluttered & i read somewhere i can't remember but einstein said, they say a cluttered desk mean a cluttered mind .... so what does an empty desk mean ?.... well it was something like that. I can't remember.
maybe i just have too much on my mind to even think clearly...i think thats what it is. I can't ever write good papers because my dad says that either i'm not explaining myself enough or he just completely doesn't know what i'm talking about...its un-clear.
i know what i want, but yet i don't.
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me & a couple people i know always joke about his one girl i know .... we say she's pro -black and stuff. & I heard her with my own ears say she hates white people. But she always contradicts herself .... saying everything that she thinks would make her look good in our eyes but she still feels the need to yell over you to get her point across.... and it probably wouldn't make sense to you. I can't give you any examples because there's just so many i can't remember. There's this white guy who's like madly in love with her and he hangs around me... I can't stand it because well all he thinks about is her... talks about her... and idk at first i was just cool with her then when i came into her circle i started to "not like" her i try to distant myself from her but its hard. but anyway the guy is totally annoying he will not leave me alone.... i can't have alone time he has to be there and i don't like hugging him. I really don't care for hugging anyway...like today we were walking in the hall.... he felt the need to be walking so close to me that our shoulders were touching... i like my personal space, really i do. Every time i tried to move away it was like he was attached to me . I got EXTREMELY irritated. I hate an attitude !
But i know what he's doing.... i told him sense the girl isn't treating him all kinds of wrong he should just forget her and stop talking to her and move on. So, he's trying to fill that space...of where she use to be to him. His problem is he's too clingy like, he has problems with the woman in his life and he's calling me his sister and the only family he has & that he hates his mother. its just crazy.
I know i'm clingy. but i give people choices when they first meet me. I'm like super nonchalant and not open to them so if they keep talking to me like they really wanna get to know me then i open up. but i guess i'm clingy to an extent. but idk
my brain is going infinity miles an hour.
--coolbeans
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