i have issues.

I have so many issues it doesn't even make any sense.
Some people think i'm cool some think i'm lame, but i think i am so lame that i'm cool. I really don't care about life. I don't know where my parents are. I haven't talked to my mom in forever and my dad .... i don't know he's ... in and out of my life. I mean don't get anything wrong, i stay with my dad and my grandmother but my dad is barely around he's always hanging out and what not , maybe working and my grandma is always out and about. I feel alone even when there's several people around. I'm alone so much that it kinda doesn't even bother me anymore.. its kinda what i refer. I love being around [some] people. For now I'm breezing through life and 'til someone shakes me out of this kinda never ending day dream. I want to be so excited some times I think that would be my high. lol, retarded i know.

The other day this guy told me that i was his hero ... i thought what in the heck ?! how could I a loser, no life, bored, non talented person like me be some ones hero. Like I feel like i have nothing to live for i remember telling my mom that I was bored, she told me welcome to life. I didn't believe her at the time, somehow i still don't believe her but, right now it's rolling in full motion that there's nothing to life more than what it is now. I hate home, because i don't have a room or bed, i hate school partially i mean its something to do, i'm starting to hate gymnastics because my coach destroyed whatever spirit i had left or whatever spark in my eye that i had for gymnastics. She's always yelling claiming that i have an attitude problem and it's really her. She isn't even a real coach, she's never done gymnastics before... she's fat, ugly... ahhhhhhhh [← that's me screaming] lol, i don't even know how i even managed to keep a sense of humor through this. I don't even know why i'm complaining ! There's several people out in the world who have worst issues than me. My life isn't bad i'm just gonna stay positive =0] yes, stay positive.

IF YOU WOULD EXCUSE ME I'M GOING OFF ON A TANGENT

Aww man i had to like cram on wednesday, for thursday. =0( It was the stupidess [← thats not even a word] ish ever, i had like a paper for LIT class, Math homework, and a project to finish for AP History... I was so frustrated but i work well under pressure. I was kinda pissed because we don't even own a bottle stick or anything of glue so i had to improvise and put tape on my poster board i taped EVERYTHING on there it didn't look bad. I had a partner with that project but she obviously didn't care about it from the beginning I gave her a book to read and she just left it in the library on the table. [rolling my eyes] This girl is mad annoying too, we have 3 out of 4 classes together and its like she's drawn to me or something... really weird i don't want to be mean to her or anything so i just put up with her. BUT back to the wednesday night cram... I didn't even finish my work because my dad told me i HAD to go to bed because i went to practice and i need my rest. So i went to school unprepared for my 4th period which is LIT and I had a paper due, and some stupid drawing assignment about one of Johnathan Edwards sermons, obviously he crazy in christ... but we had to draw examples of imagery that was in his sermon. What the fuck ?! I'm not in 4th grade, matter of fact we weren't even drawing anymore in 4th grade. THEN ON THURSDAY... i had to take 3 test ! the math test was easy, AP ehh, and ADV LIT ...... i think i did pretty well but i don't know because it was over the crucible and i didn't even read it. I tried and it was so boring i couldn't keep my attention on it i would start looking at the wall... the white wall. That's a shame when the wall seems more interesting than reading a story i mean the movie was alright it was pretty annoying like the story with that old english, ugh.

Attempting to finish my project.

taping, because i've been deprived of glue in my childhood.

I'm failing math but its because i didn't come to school or i wasn't in class.... i don't have to explain that.  I have make-up work though so that grade is coming up..... my lit class, i don't know i'm probably failing by now because i don't do anything. My coach doesn't give us study table so we can atleast attempt to put a dent in out homework maybe i'm the only one have these issues because no one else is complaining.

Well i'm about to start on this make-up math so that grade can come up.

xxcoolbeansxx 

valentines day.

first i just would like to say happy belated valentines day to you.
Now,  my valentines day was .... hmmm okay. I had a valentine last week and on the upcoming of valentines day i didn't have one :( . I guess its okay but i had to go to school ... it pretty much sucked like always  because i had to do work except in my last two periods. we just sat around and thats what i do everyday.



I went to gymnastics practice and fell on my head a hundred times, i felt kinda weak. I worked on my floor routine and tried doing a back handspring and back walk-over... got the hang of it in the end. My coach is insane but today she decided to i don't know uhhh GET A LIFE, and she bought pizza for everyone... i can't eat pizza because i'm allergic so everyone is grubbing in my face, talking with their mouths full asking if i wanted any ... shook my head i hung around there for a minute because the gymnastics team from MLK was at our school, and my socks were missing .... honestly, who steals socks thats on some homeless person crap. I thought that was ridiculous but i waited for my day to come... when i left my little buddy isaac was still there and i was kinda worried.

BUT...

when i got home, my dad just dropped me off... he left me a balloon and a card at my desk. zit was semi-sweet. Then my guy-friend-ex was texting me asking if i wanted to see the jumper .... i said yeah and he said lets go at 6:45p. It was 6:20 i was like ummm no how about the next one because i have tape on my wrist and i need to take a bath. Soooo.... i'm kinda worried because i don't have a ride to go to the mall, but then i thought about my grandma and she had to come soon because she has bible study and she could just drop me off. I AM A GENIUS... lol. So i take a shower get out its like 7:05 ... and i hear the chime for the door...she's leaving. i run down the stairs [ i have clothes on] and i'm like wait can you drop me at the mall she like yeah come one ... i run upstairs brush my hair down and i got a jacket. So we're in the car she's questioning me ...i'm giving her the shortest answers possible. she pulls up its like 7:18p ...i'm walking up to the movies.... he standing outside looking pissed... i said are you mad he's like no.... he's lying. he already bought the tickets so we go into the movie we're watching previews and he's laughing like usually.... we had a convo about why sex is in every movie the n we watched jumper is was cool... didn't like the way it ended though, he gave me a ride home... i was scared. and some unmentionables and i was at home !

:0D xxcoolbeansxx